Day 7

So its Sunday night, the 26th, and I just got home from Alyx's house with a bunch of super great new girlfriends.

I'll be the first person to tell you that I've never really had a lot of girls as friends, in high-school I had a lot of "friends" but very few that I considered true friends. And lately it seems like I've been blessed with an abundance of women, from all walks of life and age ranges, who are supportive of not only me but others around us. In any way shape or form that someone needs support they are there willing to lend a hand and help out.

Tonight was a nice little ego boost for me. Alyx used me as an example of where these other ladies could get to. She had me pull up this very blog and show them my original "Before and After" photos... You have no idea (or maybe you do) how nice it is to have people compliment the work that you've accomplished... Made all those calories that I've counted up, the ridiculous number of reps of squats/lunges/sit-ups/pull-ups/BURPEES all worth it. Because there are days that I have a hard time seeing the difference in my body.

I live with this body, I see it each and everyday. NAKED. And so those little changes, a slight rounding of the rump, a little less pooch to the belly - they tend to go unnoticed.

I was starting to feel nervous about this damn competition. Here its been since Wednesday since I made it to the gym (and even Wednesdays workout was half-assed) but today I went for a run with Alyx and Charlotte on the beach trail and felt a bit better about myself. Then came the dreaded "Check in Photo". The ones that we are doing each Sunday. Me in a bikini... Yeah nerve racking to say the least.

Here we go, here are today's photos:

And already I'm actually seeing a difference. So it gives me hope that I can do this competition and not be the "fat chick" on stage in my bikini. Like I've said before, this is out of my comfort zone, but I needed something new to shoot for. A new goal to keep me motivated when I go to the gym. I get bored otherwise. Not saying it has to be a BIG goal, but just something at the end of a certain time period so that I keep motivated and stay focused. In reality as I'm sitting here writing this I know to a certain extent that this is ridiculous. That living on roughly 1,100 calories a day and doing the things that I'm doing physically is not for most people (Heck I wouldn't do this on a regular basis) but I also know that this is something that I really want to do for me.

I'm 26, have an almost 4 year old, and for the first time ever in my life I feel happy (for the most part) with my body. I'm proud of the fact that I'm an 4/6 pants, and that I can wear a skimpy as hell bikini. I worked for this!!! So do me a favor - if your judging me, for whatever reason, take a moment to look at yourself. What are you doing for you? What are you doing because you want to and because it makes you happy? Then judge me.

As for me, well I'm going to get back to eating my 3rd cucumber for the day ;)

Onto this weeks plan. The meal plan is roughly the same, technically I get up to an extra 60 calories in my diet, YAY!

Pre Gym - Fruit (apple) & tea (100)

Post Gym - Protein (110) & veggies(100) = (210)

Mid Snack - Protein (110) & Veggie (100) = (210)

Lunch - Protein (110)

Mid Snack - Veggie (100)

Dinner - Veggies x 2 (200) & Protein (110) = (310)

Post Snack - Protein (110)

Workout Schedule:

Monday:

6 mile run

3 x 5 minute planks

500 any abs of my choice

Tuesday:

1 hour Stair-climber

30 minute bike (killer)

500 abs of my choice

Wednesday:

50 Pull-ups

200 Push-ups

500 squats (slow and controlled)

1000 abs of choice (yes 2x's as many as Monday or Tuesday, or hell Monday and Tuesday combined)

30 minute - 4 mile run

Thursday:

1.5 hours of cardio broken down into -

-30 Run

-30 Elliptical

-30 Stairs

Friday:

200 Squats w/bar

200 Lunges

5x10 Curls w/bar

5x10 Military press

5x10 single leg dead w/bar

45 min Cardio, elliptical OR stairs

Saturday:

1 hour yoga

45mins - 1 hour outdoor run

So, obviously a lot more cardio this next week, and a bit less weights. Muscle's seem to be building just fine, so we're focusing on getting rid of a few "trouble spots" and then will reassess this next Sunday and see where else we need to tweak.

I'm exhausted and need to go to bed before I fall asleep at this darn computer. Blessings and have a wonderful week.

First Set-back

Two days into my training and I've hit my first set back. Yesterday, Tuesday (my second day), I was feeling like a CHAMP!

I benched my personal best in ^ bench press maxing out at 70lbs, considering I usually stick with just the weight bar without adding any weights, I was stoked! So I kept pushing myself on everything else for the day.

I think I strained my low back when I did my bent row w/bar. I've done them before but never with the amount of weight that I did, 65lbs. It didn't even hurt at the time. I was noticeably sore when I got done with my whole workout, but it was a whole body soreness so I just figured it was because I killed it and was at the point of muscle exhaustion.

I didn't really start to feel any pain until I had to sit in my car for an hour driving down and back to the Naval Hospital for an appointment. When I went to get out, my low back practically screamed at me.

I don't think I really damaged anything, but things are just tight and sore as hell. And then today I was supposed to do squats, plyo lunges, and single leg dead-lifts. I did a shorter version of the workout I was supposed to do, I might have managed to finish the whole circuit but I was worried about doing more damage and not being able to continue with training at all.

So I'm just frustrated with myself. I'm taking it easy today, using some heat pads, staying flat when I have the chance and relaxing in general...

Hopefully by babying it, and taking it a bit easier for the next day or two I should be back to 100% with the knowledge that I shouldn't try to push myself too hard too fast. I'm just so excited to do this competition and I want to get THERE. To the point where I can look at my body and see the changes that I've made. I feel like I have a really far way to go to get ready to be on stage.

This whole experience is putting me outside of my comfort zone, pushing my limits and testing my inner strength. I'm looking forward to it, and can't wait until I get the chance to walk across that stage.

No matter where I place in that competition, first or dead last, I'm looking forward to being able to say that "I did it!"

Day 1 of 8 weeks of Hell.

So this past Saturday, February 18th, was officially 8 weeks out from my first Bikini competition. Today, Monday Feb 20th, I started my first official day of Workout/Diet plan aka: Hell.

Alyx and I are working this out one week at a time, so that we can tweak things where needed. Each week we plan on doing photos on Sunday, to see where I started/progress that is made along the way. So here is a photo take from Sunday 2/19/12

And my measurements are:

Waist:28"

Hips: 36.5"

Thighs:23.5"

Arms:11.25"

Neck:13"

This weeks meal/nutrition plan is this, and its supposed to equal up to roughly 1,100 calories:

Pre Gym - 1 apple, tea (100)

Breakfast - 2 eggs or protein powder or tuna or chicken, 1 green veggie (300)

Snack - tuna or chicken or nuts (150)

Lunch - 2 servings of veggies, 1 serving of protein (200)

Snack - tuna or chicken or nuts (150)

Dinner - 2 servings of veggies, 1 serving of protein (200)

+1 protein shake elsewhere if dying.

( the ^ symbol will be used to identify pyramid workouts, starting low weight high reps moving to high weight low reps, and then moving back down to low weight high reps trying to repeat same number of reps both directions)

And my workouts for this week are:

Monday

Bi's - Cable curls ^, dropset bar curls ^, hammer curls ^

Tri's - bench dips ^, skull crushers 3sets x 15reps, 3sets x 10reps, dumbell kickbacks ^

250 sit-ups, 250 crunches

40-60 min cardio medium intensity

Tuesday

Bench press ^, Incline Press ^, Dumbell flys 3sets x 15 reps (10-15lbs)

Bent rows w/bar ^, Renegade Rows ^, Pullups 3 sets x fail

45 mins stairs

Wednesday

250 squats with weight bar

250 plyo lunges

150 each side, single leg deads with 5 lb dumbell

30 min cardio elliptical

Thursday

3 x 6 min planks (2 min front, 2 min each side = 6 mins)

250 sit-ups

250 crunches

250 oblique twists (mad russians)

40 min run as far as possible

Friday

Total body workout, my choice (have been informed that if I do anything less than 1.5 hours I'll be called lazy and fat)

Saturday

1 1/2 hour cardio

Sunday

REST

My plan is to update my blog as often as possible during the next 8 weeks. I don't promise an everyday update - maybe just once a week as we get new photos, workout plans, and diet re-vamps.

Today actually went really well. Came in a little under calories - trying to figure out exactly what I can/can't have. Thankfully for the most part I do eat fairly cleanly so this isn't killing me yet. The workout kicked my butt, and I'm already feeling it tonight in my upper-traps, and triceps. I do need to get to bed though, so I have energy for the rest of this week.

Pura Vida

Feeling Better

About myself and about my life.

Excited that I quit my job in Irvine! Its not that it wasn't a good job, and that I wasn't learning valuable experiences there - but between the drive, the childcare, and the fact that Matthew is going back to his ridiculous schedule it just wasn't going to be worth my time and effort.

I'm getting back into the groove of life here in SoCal, the week off in NM with my dad and step-mom was amazing, but when we got back I was definitely out of my groove.

Ms. Alyx Luck wrote me up a new workout program. One that is kicking my butt EVERY day so far. But its good, I needed to be reminded that I'm not in the best shape yet - and that if I really do plan on doing a contest this summer I've got to get my behind in gear.

I've had a number of women lately ask me "How I did it?" the whole loosing 50lbs... And I find it hard to answer them because after just a couple of sentences they are already shutting down.

YES I gave up soda. Check it out, there are ZERO health benefits of drinking it. I went from drinking a minimum of 2, 12 oz cans a day to none. And its been well over 2 years. Occasionally I'll steal a sip from Matthew's, and it usually just winds up reminding me as to why I no longer drink it. The only soda I sometimes crave is a really nice Rootbeer, like Thomas Kemper... NOT A&W or something else like that.

*Why do some people have such an issue with the idea of giving up soda? I've met a number lately whose first response is... "Yeah, I just Can't give up my Diet Coke." Really?!?? Because I think you can and should.*

NO I didn't go on a diet. I made a lifestyle change. To me there is a very big difference. Because I didn't cut anything out for a temporary time period to only introduce it back into my diet. I think thats really one of the silliest things a person can do. "I'll cut out candy bars/cake/ice cream/soda/carbs/meats/whatever until I loose X amount of weight. Then I'll add it back in and wonder why I gain weight back."

One of the biggest things I did was portion control. Actually reading labels and seeing how much is a serving size, and just how many calories are in each serving. If a serving size is 2 tbsp but its only 20 calories, then I might have 2 servings. If a serving size is 3/4cup and its 250 calories then I'm only going to have 1 serving. Simple math really.

I don't deny myself anything. If I'm feeling a craving for a nasty Carl's Jr burger, then I'll get one, but its one. Just the burger, no fries, and its once every 3-4 months, not 3-4 days.

I have restricted my carbs, but not cut them out completely. The reason for this is my body seems to be very carb sensitive. Like crazy sensitive. I was in NM for 1 week visiting my dad and step-mom, between the carbs and the fats I gained 9lbs in 1 week! That and the lack of exercise. NOT good.

Which leads me into the next little bit. I exercise 5-6 days a week. Anywhere from 1-2 hours depending on what I've got planned for the day and if I'm on a tight schedule because of work. And when I say I exercise I don't mean that I go into the gym and prance on the elliptical for 20 mins with no resistance at a 4 mph pace. I kill myself. I walk out of the gym drenched in sweat. I know I don't look pretty. But then again thats not my goal.

I'm not going to the gym to look pretty there, I'm going to the gym so I can look pretty in my daily life.

:) I'm not really sure where this little rant came from. I think its just my frustration at people who refuse to make an actual change in their life and then they get upset when they aren't loosing weight. Don't say that you want to loose X number of pounds, until you really plan on doing it.

GIVE UP the soda/coffee/sweets/carbs/BOOZE and you'll see a difference. GET IN the gym. Or at least find an in home program that allows you to break a sweat, and one that you'll stick to. Take your dog for a walk. Start going on family walks with your kids. Take them to the park, go to the beach. Whatever! Just get up and get out there.

I think that will be the end of my rant for now. Hope your all having a fabulous Tuesday!

Mixed Feelings

Matthew and I have been dealing with this all week... I got home from visiting my dad and step-mom in New Mexico and I was just feeling off. Exhausted no matter how much I slept, moody (more so than normal), irritable, and my boobs bigger and tender as heck.

Yep, you guessed it - we were pregnant again.

Were being the describing word.

I decided to go into the Navel Hospital on Wednesday for a pregnancy test, and of course like in the past they refused to give me a blood test first without having taken and failed at least 3 urinary tests, each one a week a part. Of course they allowed me to set up a follow up appointment with my actual Dr for today, which I did considering nurses were starting to get on my nerves. I was all set to write a hateful blog entry, or call and complain AGAIN to the hospital, but then I started to bleed late last night...

I was originally going to cancel my appointment for today, figuring what did it matter, if I was pregnant I no longer am... But talking with friends, I decided to keep the appointment to at least talk with an actual Dr and find out what is going on with my Mirena.

Well I can say I was pleasantly surprised with my Dr today - he, for the first time in ages, listened to me and my concerns. When I explained to him my symptoms and that they were exactly what I experienced with Steven he listened. He asked me informed questions and expressed genuine apathy towards my frustration at this. He put in for me to have a blood pregnancy test done, in case for some reason this was an tubal pregnancy and informed me that it may in fact show whether I'd truly been pregnant in the first place. I've got an ultrasound scheduled in a month to check my Mirena and to see if its properly implanted. And I walked out of there feeling like a normal patient with a caring Dr.

Well, we got the results back on the blood test. Yes we were pregnant, but no longer are. I'm going to have my ultrasound done, and then go in for a "well woman" exam shortly thereafter. I'm going to discuss with my Dr my options, and whether the Mirena is the right option for me. Matthew and I are both tired of this happening (this is the 3rd time by our account).

I just felt the need to share. That life gets frustrating and creates a whole bag of mixed feelings. No we aren't trying to get pregnant right now, but at the same time I do hurt inside over the idea that a life was lost...

Like I said.

Mixed Feelings tonight.

Working on

Finding the motivation for myself once I get back to California to take care of a number of things that I want to accomplish.

1. Get my bootie back in the gym. I've only really done one real workout while here and the recovery from that outside run just about kicked my butt. I didn't even think about the elevation when I went to run, and the fact that I have asthma...AND have not used/nor had an inhaler for over a year now.

2. Look for a new job in town. Irvine is killing me, and I'm sure those closest to me are getting tired of hearing me talk about it... I might have a lead on something in town, so fingers crossed for me that I get it and that its what I need!

3. Get rid of STUFF. I have too much of it. Useless to me. Others might have use of it, but I need to get it out of MY house.

And these 3 things are NOT New Years Resolutions, I have a whole separate list of those for myself that I really truly care not to share with anyone. Some of them are ridiculous I know, others practical, but all of them are mine.

Once again, I'm working on my self this year. Finding the self-confidence in myself to accomplish some of the goals that I'm working towards. Finding the path that makes me happy is what I'm about this year. Managing to balance everything in life, and yet still staying sane.

Sounds like a darn good goal to me.

2012

So I obviously took a break from my blog for quite some time, kept thinking about getting back to writing but I let myself get caught up in daily life and just got lazy on this.

So here's my first post of 2012, I make no promises of keeping this up-to-date but to do this when I need to and when I have time.

I can't even begin to catch up everything that happened since my last post in June after the TM. I kept working out diligently, but got kind of lax on my diet... Justified it as "I'm working out everyday, its ok if I cheat every once and a while" but that every once and a while became pretty regular.

Nothing horrific happened, but I did gain back about 10 of the 50 pounds I had managed to loose. About a month before the Marine Corps Birthday Ball, which Matthew's unit was having theirs in Las Vegas this year, I mentioned to my girlfriend, Alyx who is a personal trianer, that I wasn't really happy with what I'd let myself do. She then put together and absolute torturous workout and eating program and I stuck to it.

One month later I'd lost the 10 pounds, and 5% body fat!

I feel amazing! For the most part I've kept it off, fluctuating a bit back and forth because of the holidays - my inner fat-kid totally ran the show for a couple of days right around Christmas.

I know I've talked to a lot of people about running the TM again this year. They are doing 2 races in SoCal this year, one the first part of Feb and the second in June/July time frame (I don't remember for sure at the moment). I've been planning on doing both, but lately haven't been doing as much running as I should, and definitely none of it outside to prep for a 10+ mile run with obstacles. I'm not sure if I'll be doing the Feb TM... I haven't registered for it, so I'd be paying for race day walk on (Think $150 for the pleasure of torturing myself) and seeing as I'm in the middle of a week of little to no working out, I'm currently visiting my dad and step-mom in NM with Steven... I'm just not feeling very motivated to go out and kill myself on something that I haven't really been training for.

So at the moment a lot of things are up in the air. I might run 1 or 2 TM's this year (not even considering NorCal at the moment) I might do a BodyFit Bikini competition (figured why not do it now, seeing as at 26 I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life) and other than that I'm not sure.

So much is running around my head at the moment, I can't begin to sort it out enough to make sense in a post...

I hope everyone is having a good start to the new year, and I'll do my best to be better at posting (if for no other reason than it seems to help me and my thought process)