Not really sure what today's post is going to consist of, but then again I usually get sidetracked anyways so that doesn't really matter.
Tomorrow is 2 years since my Aunt passed away. It wasn't all that unexpected, she had been fighting health issues for about as long as I can remember. Had her first heart attack before she was 40, more stints than I can count, and 1 heart by-pass.
Aunt Kathy.
She was probably one of the biggest reasons why I decided to turn my life around. I don't have any memories of her truly happy. And I think a lot of that stemmed from the fact that she wasn't happy in her own skin. Between everything that she dealt with health wise, depression, knee surgeries, back surgeries, smoking, heart attacks... I realized that I didn't want that for me, and/or for my family.
Its important that I be a role model for Steven.
That being said, I've been a bit of a slacker in the role model department lately. Post NPC competition I did well for a while at keeping up with working out, but allowed a lot of things back into my diet just because "I could". I started to get unhappy with the habits that I was falling back into and then Alyx sprung the Ultra-Marathon on me. To start cutting things at that point, could have been detrimental for my body, considering I needed stores of fats and carbs for my body to burn during the run.
I'm by no means saying "I'm fat", I'm just not 100% happy with where I am right now. And all it is going to take is some easy fixes. I've allowed way too many sweets back in my life, with the justification of, "I'm going to the gym." And knowing that I'm carb sensitive I've still allowed a lot of processed/complex carbs back into my diet.
I've been thinking about it and I do want to do another competition again here in the near future, but to even get back to Pre-competition training status I probably need to cut about 6-8 pounds from my frame so that I'm not battling that within an 8-10 week timeframe. More than likely I'll try and compete either the end of this year, or the beginning of 2013.
So I just need to go back to cleaner eating, lean proteins, veggies, and fruits... Nothing drastic, no severe cutting of calories, just clean.
I like the fact that for the most part my level of fitness allows me to partake in a variety of physical activities. I did/can do again an NPC event, ran two Tough Mudders, and an Ultra-Marathon. I'd like to run more events in the next 12-18 months (the current timeframe I'm working with because of the uncertainty of life and the USMC).
Not only do I want to do more events, but I'd like to go on more adventures with Steven. Show him more of Southern California, and the surrounding states. He's got so much energy, and so far very little fear of life that I think its the perfect time to help him expand his adventurous side. Sports, hiking, camping, exploring... We've decided on home-schooling for pre-school. I'm helping with the supply side of things, and Lindsey is going to be doing the actual teaching with the boys... This benefits us in a couple of ways. If I decide to travel with him I'm not pulling him out of an actual school, he gets to spend the day with his best friend, he's right next door so that if something happens I'm available, plus its not a "half-day" which breaks down into a 3 hour, 2-3 days a week program so that I can keep working and not have to cut my hours to that time frame.
A lot is going to change this next year, I can't even begin to think about how different our life is going to be come the end of October. But I will look on it positively without fear, because if I go into it fearing the outcome then only the worst can happen to the 3 of us. Within the next week or so I hope to have a rough plan for the next few months, just so that we have goals/deadlines for certain things.
We'll see where this next year takes me, and my family. Thankfully I've been lucky so far to have the support that I've gotten from my family and friends.
I miss my Aunt. She taught me many life lessons, introduced me to real music, helped grow my love of pretty sparkly jewelry, and the fact that I need to appreciate life everyday because you never know when life is going to change/end. I guess what my ramblings are trying to put out into the universe is that we need to work on being happy in our lives. In ways that are important to us. To not let other's around us determine what it is that we "should" be doing, or how we "should" be living. If you are happy with the path that your life is taking, really and truly happy, then that is all that should matter. I've been blessed in finding friends lately who are interested in the same things as me, and that I've found hobbies/goals that make me happy.
Looking back where I was even 3 years ago, I was unhappy in my life. And not that I wasn't blessed with Matthew and Steven and a supportive family - but that I was unhappy with me. It took a few months, false starts and stops, to find a direction in my life that allowed me to find happiness within myself. And I've been blessed enough that my family so far has supported me in these choices. And that I've found friends who support me.
Whether or not you understand why I choose to do what I do, realize that pursuing these goals truly makes me happy. Some of them seem far fetched, or insane to those who have never felt the need to go run 31+ miles in one stretch. Or if you've never felt the desire to walk across the stage in a bikini... But I have done both of those, and I want to do them again.
We have all found our selves in places that we don't recognize, and its only through our own strengths, courage, and conviction that we are able to muscle our way back to a path that we are happy with. I only wish that my Aunt had found a way to a happier life path before her life ended at such an early age.
So I'm going to end this post with a question. Are YOU on a path that brings you joy, happiness, and contentedness at the end of the day?
