Feeling Better

About myself and about my life.

Excited that I quit my job in Irvine! Its not that it wasn't a good job, and that I wasn't learning valuable experiences there - but between the drive, the childcare, and the fact that Matthew is going back to his ridiculous schedule it just wasn't going to be worth my time and effort.

I'm getting back into the groove of life here in SoCal, the week off in NM with my dad and step-mom was amazing, but when we got back I was definitely out of my groove.

Ms. Alyx Luck wrote me up a new workout program. One that is kicking my butt EVERY day so far. But its good, I needed to be reminded that I'm not in the best shape yet - and that if I really do plan on doing a contest this summer I've got to get my behind in gear.

I've had a number of women lately ask me "How I did it?" the whole loosing 50lbs... And I find it hard to answer them because after just a couple of sentences they are already shutting down.

YES I gave up soda. Check it out, there are ZERO health benefits of drinking it. I went from drinking a minimum of 2, 12 oz cans a day to none. And its been well over 2 years. Occasionally I'll steal a sip from Matthew's, and it usually just winds up reminding me as to why I no longer drink it. The only soda I sometimes crave is a really nice Rootbeer, like Thomas Kemper... NOT A&W or something else like that.

*Why do some people have such an issue with the idea of giving up soda? I've met a number lately whose first response is... "Yeah, I just Can't give up my Diet Coke." Really?!?? Because I think you can and should.*

NO I didn't go on a diet. I made a lifestyle change. To me there is a very big difference. Because I didn't cut anything out for a temporary time period to only introduce it back into my diet. I think thats really one of the silliest things a person can do. "I'll cut out candy bars/cake/ice cream/soda/carbs/meats/whatever until I loose X amount of weight. Then I'll add it back in and wonder why I gain weight back."

One of the biggest things I did was portion control. Actually reading labels and seeing how much is a serving size, and just how many calories are in each serving. If a serving size is 2 tbsp but its only 20 calories, then I might have 2 servings. If a serving size is 3/4cup and its 250 calories then I'm only going to have 1 serving. Simple math really.

I don't deny myself anything. If I'm feeling a craving for a nasty Carl's Jr burger, then I'll get one, but its one. Just the burger, no fries, and its once every 3-4 months, not 3-4 days.

I have restricted my carbs, but not cut them out completely. The reason for this is my body seems to be very carb sensitive. Like crazy sensitive. I was in NM for 1 week visiting my dad and step-mom, between the carbs and the fats I gained 9lbs in 1 week! That and the lack of exercise. NOT good.

Which leads me into the next little bit. I exercise 5-6 days a week. Anywhere from 1-2 hours depending on what I've got planned for the day and if I'm on a tight schedule because of work. And when I say I exercise I don't mean that I go into the gym and prance on the elliptical for 20 mins with no resistance at a 4 mph pace. I kill myself. I walk out of the gym drenched in sweat. I know I don't look pretty. But then again thats not my goal.

I'm not going to the gym to look pretty there, I'm going to the gym so I can look pretty in my daily life.

:) I'm not really sure where this little rant came from. I think its just my frustration at people who refuse to make an actual change in their life and then they get upset when they aren't loosing weight. Don't say that you want to loose X number of pounds, until you really plan on doing it.

GIVE UP the soda/coffee/sweets/carbs/BOOZE and you'll see a difference. GET IN the gym. Or at least find an in home program that allows you to break a sweat, and one that you'll stick to. Take your dog for a walk. Start going on family walks with your kids. Take them to the park, go to the beach. Whatever! Just get up and get out there.

I think that will be the end of my rant for now. Hope your all having a fabulous Tuesday!

Mixed Feelings

Matthew and I have been dealing with this all week... I got home from visiting my dad and step-mom in New Mexico and I was just feeling off. Exhausted no matter how much I slept, moody (more so than normal), irritable, and my boobs bigger and tender as heck.

Yep, you guessed it - we were pregnant again.

Were being the describing word.

I decided to go into the Navel Hospital on Wednesday for a pregnancy test, and of course like in the past they refused to give me a blood test first without having taken and failed at least 3 urinary tests, each one a week a part. Of course they allowed me to set up a follow up appointment with my actual Dr for today, which I did considering nurses were starting to get on my nerves. I was all set to write a hateful blog entry, or call and complain AGAIN to the hospital, but then I started to bleed late last night...

I was originally going to cancel my appointment for today, figuring what did it matter, if I was pregnant I no longer am... But talking with friends, I decided to keep the appointment to at least talk with an actual Dr and find out what is going on with my Mirena.

Well I can say I was pleasantly surprised with my Dr today - he, for the first time in ages, listened to me and my concerns. When I explained to him my symptoms and that they were exactly what I experienced with Steven he listened. He asked me informed questions and expressed genuine apathy towards my frustration at this. He put in for me to have a blood pregnancy test done, in case for some reason this was an tubal pregnancy and informed me that it may in fact show whether I'd truly been pregnant in the first place. I've got an ultrasound scheduled in a month to check my Mirena and to see if its properly implanted. And I walked out of there feeling like a normal patient with a caring Dr.

Well, we got the results back on the blood test. Yes we were pregnant, but no longer are. I'm going to have my ultrasound done, and then go in for a "well woman" exam shortly thereafter. I'm going to discuss with my Dr my options, and whether the Mirena is the right option for me. Matthew and I are both tired of this happening (this is the 3rd time by our account).

I just felt the need to share. That life gets frustrating and creates a whole bag of mixed feelings. No we aren't trying to get pregnant right now, but at the same time I do hurt inside over the idea that a life was lost...

Like I said.

Mixed Feelings tonight.

Working on

Finding the motivation for myself once I get back to California to take care of a number of things that I want to accomplish.

1. Get my bootie back in the gym. I've only really done one real workout while here and the recovery from that outside run just about kicked my butt. I didn't even think about the elevation when I went to run, and the fact that I have asthma...AND have not used/nor had an inhaler for over a year now.

2. Look for a new job in town. Irvine is killing me, and I'm sure those closest to me are getting tired of hearing me talk about it... I might have a lead on something in town, so fingers crossed for me that I get it and that its what I need!

3. Get rid of STUFF. I have too much of it. Useless to me. Others might have use of it, but I need to get it out of MY house.

And these 3 things are NOT New Years Resolutions, I have a whole separate list of those for myself that I really truly care not to share with anyone. Some of them are ridiculous I know, others practical, but all of them are mine.

Once again, I'm working on my self this year. Finding the self-confidence in myself to accomplish some of the goals that I'm working towards. Finding the path that makes me happy is what I'm about this year. Managing to balance everything in life, and yet still staying sane.

Sounds like a darn good goal to me.

2012

So I obviously took a break from my blog for quite some time, kept thinking about getting back to writing but I let myself get caught up in daily life and just got lazy on this.

So here's my first post of 2012, I make no promises of keeping this up-to-date but to do this when I need to and when I have time.

I can't even begin to catch up everything that happened since my last post in June after the TM. I kept working out diligently, but got kind of lax on my diet... Justified it as "I'm working out everyday, its ok if I cheat every once and a while" but that every once and a while became pretty regular.

Nothing horrific happened, but I did gain back about 10 of the 50 pounds I had managed to loose. About a month before the Marine Corps Birthday Ball, which Matthew's unit was having theirs in Las Vegas this year, I mentioned to my girlfriend, Alyx who is a personal trianer, that I wasn't really happy with what I'd let myself do. She then put together and absolute torturous workout and eating program and I stuck to it.

One month later I'd lost the 10 pounds, and 5% body fat!

I feel amazing! For the most part I've kept it off, fluctuating a bit back and forth because of the holidays - my inner fat-kid totally ran the show for a couple of days right around Christmas.

I know I've talked to a lot of people about running the TM again this year. They are doing 2 races in SoCal this year, one the first part of Feb and the second in June/July time frame (I don't remember for sure at the moment). I've been planning on doing both, but lately haven't been doing as much running as I should, and definitely none of it outside to prep for a 10+ mile run with obstacles. I'm not sure if I'll be doing the Feb TM... I haven't registered for it, so I'd be paying for race day walk on (Think $150 for the pleasure of torturing myself) and seeing as I'm in the middle of a week of little to no working out, I'm currently visiting my dad and step-mom in NM with Steven... I'm just not feeling very motivated to go out and kill myself on something that I haven't really been training for.

So at the moment a lot of things are up in the air. I might run 1 or 2 TM's this year (not even considering NorCal at the moment) I might do a BodyFit Bikini competition (figured why not do it now, seeing as at 26 I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life) and other than that I'm not sure.

So much is running around my head at the moment, I can't begin to sort it out enough to make sense in a post...

I hope everyone is having a good start to the new year, and I'll do my best to be better at posting (if for no other reason than it seems to help me and my thought process)