Mixed Feelings

Matthew and I have been dealing with this all week... I got home from visiting my dad and step-mom in New Mexico and I was just feeling off. Exhausted no matter how much I slept, moody (more so than normal), irritable, and my boobs bigger and tender as heck.

Yep, you guessed it - we were pregnant again.

Were being the describing word.

I decided to go into the Navel Hospital on Wednesday for a pregnancy test, and of course like in the past they refused to give me a blood test first without having taken and failed at least 3 urinary tests, each one a week a part. Of course they allowed me to set up a follow up appointment with my actual Dr for today, which I did considering nurses were starting to get on my nerves. I was all set to write a hateful blog entry, or call and complain AGAIN to the hospital, but then I started to bleed late last night...

I was originally going to cancel my appointment for today, figuring what did it matter, if I was pregnant I no longer am... But talking with friends, I decided to keep the appointment to at least talk with an actual Dr and find out what is going on with my Mirena.

Well I can say I was pleasantly surprised with my Dr today - he, for the first time in ages, listened to me and my concerns. When I explained to him my symptoms and that they were exactly what I experienced with Steven he listened. He asked me informed questions and expressed genuine apathy towards my frustration at this. He put in for me to have a blood pregnancy test done, in case for some reason this was an tubal pregnancy and informed me that it may in fact show whether I'd truly been pregnant in the first place. I've got an ultrasound scheduled in a month to check my Mirena and to see if its properly implanted. And I walked out of there feeling like a normal patient with a caring Dr.

Well, we got the results back on the blood test. Yes we were pregnant, but no longer are. I'm going to have my ultrasound done, and then go in for a "well woman" exam shortly thereafter. I'm going to discuss with my Dr my options, and whether the Mirena is the right option for me. Matthew and I are both tired of this happening (this is the 3rd time by our account).

I just felt the need to share. That life gets frustrating and creates a whole bag of mixed feelings. No we aren't trying to get pregnant right now, but at the same time I do hurt inside over the idea that a life was lost...

Like I said.

Mixed Feelings tonight.