Day 15

Oops! Missed Sunday nights update - oh well, my MIL is in visiting and I just had lots going on :)

This last week was crazy, I felt a huge difference in my body. I stuck to my diet 100%, no cheats, and I felt like between the killer/crazy workouts and the diet I could actually see a difference in just one week. Things really seemed to tighten up around my mid-section, and a bit in the upper thigh region.

Sunday was a bit crazy, got up early and picked up Alyx to go for tea/coffee, write up this weeks plan, farmer's market, commissary shopping, and then beach with the family for most of the rest of the day.

So we took photos early, like before eating/drinking anything early...

I'm having a bit of a hard time centering my thoughts right now, I just feel like so much has been going on and I've hardly had a chance to stop and catch my breath. Plus add in the lack of calories, and the not enough sleep that I've gotten in the last few days and my brain just isn't really up to 100% at the moment.

I've noticed that I've been a bit more fragile lately, emotion wise, and also have been quicker to get pissy/angry/moody. I feel bad for Matthew and Steven because I realize that they catch the brunt of it since they live with me.

Ex: Saturday night, Matthew and I decided to take advantage of Janice being in town to watch Steven and we went on a date night. The movie we chose "Act of Valor", is admittedly not a happy/fun movie, but even for me I feel like I was brought easier to tears. We went for sushi (sashimi for me) afterwards, and then went to Goody's for drinks. I got pissy because A.)Even though I'm not much of a drinker, I've chosen to put myself in a position where I can't drink for the next few weeks B.) Because of A, I was wayyy to sober to deal with most of the people in the bar C.) I felt ignored by Matthew (the bar was so loud you could barely hear anyone speak) D.) I was just being whiny and wanted to go home

None of which was Matthew's fault, but I was just being bratty.

We argued last night, after Steven went to bed. A lot of it was personal stuff between us, but part of it had to do with this new venture that I'm pursuing. The fact that I'm spending a lot of time either at the gym/yoga studio/running outdoors/at Alyx's checking in with what to do/etc. I gave into emotional eating and indulged in a couple of GirlScout cookies, and then felt disgusted and angry with myself afterwards.

Its hard on everyone when a partner chooses to do something this extreme. I've never tried to limit myself like this calorie wise and then add in the workout programs that I'm doing... And its time consuming. What I'm able to eat is very different then things Matthew and Steven might want to eat. It isn't fair to limit them to chicken, and spinach salads every night yet at the same time I find it hard to cook some foods for them because all I want to do is give in and cheat.

Not only is it hard food wise, but it also may take away from family time. This last week I took advantage of having Janice in town, and using Friday as an example, I went to work that morning at Dr. S's then went straight to the gym and didn't push myself to get through everything in less than 2 hours because Janice was home with Steven and I didn't have a time constraint because of the childcare at the gym.

We're slowly figuring out the dynamics of me doing this. I'm not sure if after this competition I'd do another, I wont count it out - I want to see what the results of this is first before I say anything one way or another.

I'm realizing this post is sort of rambling. And at the moment I'm not really feeling like fixing it. I'll come back and up-date the post with photos when I get them from Alyx, and maybe in a day or two I'll come back and make another post when my thoughts are a bit more centered.