Post Competition, part 1

So its a few days after the competition. I've been busy with trying to get back to a semi-normal life. Also I've been trying to gather my thoughts so that things are a little bit more coherent. I don't know if I'll accomplish that considering I'm trying to write while Steven plays around the house but we'll see what happens.

Friday night was insane. Alyx and I drove up to Culver City for the Pre-Competition meeting, of course neither of us paid enough attention to see if the meeting was at the Event location, or the event hotel... So we got to the location with plenty of time to spare and no orange people walking around :( after a quick call to Matthew to get the address of the Event Hotel we plugged it into the GPS and made our way over there.

And at that point I started to hyperventilate... I walked into a room filled with all these beautiful women, all wayyyy darker than I (either naturally or because they had already started the fake tan process), and all of them looking like they belonged. And I felt anything but like I belonged in that room.

This competition was so much larger than what I expected, though with the name LA Grand Prix I'm sure I should have been aware that it was going to be a larger competition than one held in Soldotna, AK. Bikini alone had more than 100 women signed up for it. So I was sitting in a room with 100+ women all ranging from 4'9" to 6' (roughly). There were 6 different classes in the Bikini division, A-F, done by height blocks. I was in the 5'7"+ class, Class F. And there were roughly 20 women in my class alone.

After everything was finally done, Alyx and I didn't get out of there until after 10pm, we drove back to San Clemente to spend a lot of time getting to know each other really well. And by this I'm referring to the application of my Pro-Tan.

Pro-Tan

The stuff that turned me almost black the night we applied it, and by the next morning I was dried to a burnt orange. It was so strange looking down at my hands and seeing the color difference - heck I'm still orange right now. Everything is fading, but it isn't gone by any stretch of the imagination yet.

Add to all of this the fact that Friday I was surviving on 600 calories, and 8oz or less of liquids and I was LOOPY by the time Alyx got done applying the wonderfully smelling Pro-Tan. I stumbled to bed and did what I refer to as the "death sleep" I didn't move. Created a dent in the bed where I slept for the 5-6 hours I got.

Saturday morning we got up early so I could straighten my hair, and get everything together to take with us up to the competition.

I did NOT wear my suit there, knowing I had hours before I needed to be in my gear. We got up there around 9am (neither of us had caught the exact time we needed to be at the Event Venue so decided early was better than late). And then the waiting began. Pre-judging began at 11am. You were allowed to leave the venue once your division was done, to go where ever you chose in between the morning event and the evening show.

I spent most of the day in a fog - that tends to happen when you eat just enough protein to keep you awake

and it was sort of a blessing because it didn't allow me to freak out/psych myself out of the competition. Starting a little bit before I was supposed to go back stage to get ready to head out for my judging Alyx started giving me CANDY.

Yes thats right, Starburst Jelly Beans, or as I referred to them - HEAVEN in a pill form. It was for the glycogen burst to make all my muscles and veins pop. You have to realize that at this point I was pretty dehydrated, hadn't eaten much in the last 24-48 hours, and was at my all time lowest, dry, weight ever. When I woke up Saturday morning I weighed 126 pounds. Yes, I am very aware of how little that is on someone of my build. I think the last time I weighed that little I was probably 10 (maybe 12). Anyways, back to my HEAVEN in a compact form :) Its amazing what a burst of sugar will do to a girl.

I went back stage and basically got naked... I mean I was standing in a room with I don't know how many other women, and we're all there in bikinis, stripper heels, fake tans, fake nails, fake lashes, and so much make-up its amazing we can move our faces... And the idiocy/irony of it all hit me. What was I doing? Why had I tortured myself, starved myself, killed myself for eight long weeks? Was I really about to prance across a stage, practically naked, and PAY people to judge me?

Yes.

I realized standing in the pre-rooms that I hadn't practiced my posing enough. I felt confident with my walk, surprising considering I was wearing heels that topped out at 7". But my posing was a different matter all together... All these girls were popping their hips out, standing in what my friend Opal referred to as their "slut butt" poses with their booties poppin out, and had these well rehearsed hair-flips and cute smiles. I had NONE of these things so spent time "practicing" my poses/learning on the fly.

I maintained a cool head in the pre-rooms. I managed to keep the nerves mostly at bay when they finally called Class F (for Fun). And started shaking and hyperventilating when we were standing in the wings waiting to be called. And just as I was walking out one of the backstage guys snagged my glasses for me.

So I was blind, walking across a stage in 7" heels, on carpet, trying to hit tape marks that I could only barely see due to the stage lights blinding me.

And I didn't eat it! Alyx told me later she could see the nerves in my eyes, but that most people probably wouldn't be able to.

I felt like I was going to shake apart at the seams. Like my face was going to split in half from my fake smile, and I knew my "slut butt" pose was lacking.

BUT I did it.